


Chaotic Good Will

by strikeyourcolors



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Affectionate Insults, Big Brother Dick Grayson, Brotherly Affection, Burlesque, Dancing, Fluff, Gen, Jason Todd Loves Bread, Ridiculous, Sibling Bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-06-09 16:21:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15271446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strikeyourcolors/pseuds/strikeyourcolors
Summary: With a week off from heavy caseloads, Tim decides to run a sting operation against a drug ring. The sting just happens to involve setting Dick up with a burlesque act. As a burlesque act.  It's an educational bonding experience for all of them; that wasn't something Tim expected.~*~*~"Control yourself, Todd," Damian says with a noise of disgust. "You don't even know where that bread came from or how old it is.""Don't care," Jason replies. "That crust looks really buttery, doesn't it?"This is getting into territory that Tim didn't anticipate.





	Chaotic Good Will

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally part of a larger story that had a lot more action and vigilante things. It eventually got scrapped but this part of "The Week Off" survived. I warn you now, it's 99% humor and fluff. 
> 
> That's it. That's all I have. I don't have enough apologies for what this became.

"So it's like high-class stripping?" Damian questions. They're all gathered around Tim's computer, peering at the screen in fascination. Damian sounds completely baffled. Dick looks pretty much enthralled and Jason has that expression that means he's trying not to seem interested but totally is. 

So far Tim hasn't let the videos play to the point that clothing comes off to reveal any nudity (there's some things he just doesn't want to share with would-be siblings) but the risque videos are getting suggestive enough. "No," Dick cuts him off before he has to argue. "It's like dancing. An art form."

"You just get naked during this dance," Jason adds and Tim isn't sure if he's on Damian's side or Dick's side because there's zero inflection in his tone to suggest either way. Most of the time Tim simply assumes that Jason is stirring the pot and is off to rob the Bat Cave or something in the resulting chaos and he's usually right. He admires the chaos Jason can create and the benefits he reaps from it. He enjoys it more, however, when Jason's bland statements backfire horribly and he ends up getting dragged into some crazy family shit storm. It serves him right for trying to manipulate them. Only Tim's allowed to do that. 

Apparently neither of the others is going to take the bait. "I did some research into burlesque a few years ago," Dick admits. 

"Research," Jason says slowly, making air quotes with his fingers. Damian snickers. 

"Yes research!" Dick repeats, raising his voice. "Some of the circuses went to providing entertainment like that in the evenings or the performers would perform in clubs. Everyone has a gimmick and in circus folk? Fire breathing or contortion are great hooks. It's not just stripping." 

Tim is scrolling to find video that has such a gimmick. "He's right," He confirms. "There's a costume or a theme. Some kind of stunt. It's as much a regular show as a strip show." On screen now there are a couple of women in 1920s-era dresses. Earlier they saw someone escape from a straight jacket in a display half appealing and half disturbing because he's pretty sure that half of Arkham, men included, have performed those moves. Tim never wants to think about the Joker performing suggestive leg lifts to gain a bit of slack. At least he has the sense to keep that imagery to himself, however. "We have our woman on the inside but that's not providing a lot of leads. Time to put a man in a different company."

The drug running is pretty basic. Not even worth their time, honestly, but Tim is kind of thinking it's also tied to assassination ploys. The link is weak at best but it's not like they have a lot of other things going on this week and they might as well follow every lead. "Absolutely not," Jason says. "I am not wearing anything with glitter over my nipples."

"Please," Damian scoffs. "As though we would ever ask you to perform any task which requires any more grace than that of an oxen or a lumberjack. You're a beast of burden at best." 

"Hey! I'm graceful! Lumberjacks are hardly beasts of burden," Jason retorts. "Have you ever met one? Because I know a few and-" 

"How do you know all these people?" Tim asks, because he's been wondering for a while. Jason has more contacts than he does, possibly, and Tim knows he's not the most social person in the world but surely he should know more people than someone who is legally dead. 

Jason simply shrugs. Tim can kind of sense the motion of those giant shoulders. "My training. I was sent to some teachers-"

"No," Tim says bluntly. "No. You will not stand here and tell me that Talia al Ghul sent you to learn poisons in Germany and marksmanship in China and how to murder a man with your toes and a pen in Brazil but that she let you detour to Canada to learn the mystical art of the lumberjack. Stop feeding me bullshit and telling me it's breakfast cereal." 

Damian's head tilts. "Why would you believe that bullshit is breakfast cereal?"

Jason looks smug enough that Tim is tempted to wheel the computer chair backwards over his toes. Probably his weight and the chair's combined are not enough to actually harm Jason. He'll have to plot his vengeance later. "I was thinking Dick would be the person to send in, actually."

Dick almost squeals. Of course he would. He loves artsy things and he's been on light duty for a back injury for the past two weeks. He's probably not up for leaping out of planes or anything for a while but this should be a piece of cake. Tim's watched his physical therapy and he probably does more advanced stuff there than would be required for a stint as a weekend burlesque dancer. 

Sometimes Tim wonders when the mantle of mission coordinator fell upon his shoulders but then he remembers Bruce is trying to have more of a personal life, is out of the country (or off the damn planet) as Batman a good deal of the time, and that Dick is entirely capable but shit at controlling all of them except possibly Damian. Their family goes by skill set to divide responsibilities, rather than by age. 

"This is going to be so fun," Dick breathes. "Also a great use of time. I can figure out if something weird is going on easy-peasy." 

"Lemon squeezy," Jason adds. 

"You parading around in bird feathers will be weird enough," Damian replies. "That is really more of a Drake statement." 

"They let me glide," Tim replies and tries not to frown because that's exactly what Damian wants. "We do need to work out a routine or something for you though. We don't want you to look completely new to the game. A back story with the circus is good and you have that...but they'll probably want something to audition you so maybe three coordinated numbers..." 

Their gazes all fall on the next clip. Tim isn't exactly sure what's going on. The woman is cute, with her hair in a kind of hair net and an apron on. It's a well-put together outfit and Tim is trying to decide if she's a nurse or a baker when she pulls a loaf of bread out from under her dress. It's not just a basic loaf either. It's easily the size of half her arm. 

"Woah," Dick says. "That's certainly a prop."

Tim is so distracted by trying to figure out what she's going to do with the bread that he misses the obvious. She pops the buttons off the front of her little dress, using the baguette to block the view of her nipples. He's left staring at the screen, uncertain on if he should pause it and move on. It's not _vulgar_ because everywhere is covered but it's covered by _bread_ that she has her breasts pressed up against. 

Damian is dodging Dick's subtle attempts to make him avert his gaze without physically covering his eyes. Tim's glad to see the lesson during which Damian yelled he wasn't a child and broke Dick's fingers has stuck enough for the older man not to physically handle him. "Is she purposefully trying to seduce Todd with her use of bread?" He scoffs.

Tim glances back to Jason. The older man is kind of looking a bit fixated. "Is that garlic bread?" He asks. "Because if it is, her plan is totally working."

"Control yourself, Todd," Damian says with a noise of disgust. "You don't even know where that bread came from or how old it is."

"Don't care," Jason replies. "That crust looks really buttery, doesn't it?"

This is getting into territory that Tim didn't anticipate. Time to steer things back. "Then we're agreed Dick will go in? I thought Robin would be on stand by for when it's necessary for a cape to break something up. And if he knows what's going on already he won't be too distracted to be efficient."

"Tt," Damian hisses back. "As though I would be so easily distracted." But his eyes keep flickering to the screen and there's a kind of dusky color to his cheeks that appears whenever the performances get too close to complete nudity. Tim knows Damian isn't actually that much of a prude, and that it's going to take more than a bare set of breasts (bread nearby or otherwise) to throw him. Still, desensitization is important and...well if he's honest he's always been malicious and he likes throwing Damian off his game.

"Aw, the bread went away," Jason says despondently. "Am I here just for you to tease that way? Because now I'm hungry."

"For boobs or bread?" Dick questions. "Because I know a place."

"One of the clubs is in your area," Tim cuts in. "Thought you might want in on that one and if you saw Dick on stage you needed to be prepared."

Jason rolls his eyes. "Why is it you think everyone is stupid or inexperienced except you? We've done this gig before. Me before you were on the scene and the squirt was probably flipping assassins off cliffs earlier than that."

He has a point, grudging as Tim is to accept it. "You're also my focus group. Dick needs a few acts, like I said. Some kind of interesting overall theme that will get him hired. Then songs within that."

"Because I am beautiful no mater what they say," Dick singsongs out and grins, reaching over Tim to commandeer his laptop. Or actually to play a different video. Tim squirms as Dick's full weight drapes over his shoulder. He's heavy, contrary to his comparatively lithe frame. Well, lithe compared to Bruce or Jason and they are basically tanks of humanity.

There's a groan from one of said tanks. "Ugh not that song. It's so overdone." Tim is sure they are all staring at him and Jason snorts. "I was working a case and spent a lot of time in a strip club at the height of that song's popularity. It has no discernible beat and is basically impossible to dance to. But they tried." He sighs. It might be pained or longing. "Damn, did they try."

Tim will definitely be looking into exactly what case required Jason to spend that much time in a strip club but for now he turns an eye on Dick. As much of one as he can, anyway, with the older man essentially on his lap. He's riveted by the video of a half-naked woman being tossed in the air by a basically nude guy. Male burlesque dancers are pretty rare from what Tim has found. On the plus side for them, it means there will be fewer expectations. On the lower side, it means there's probably not much demand. Dick will have to be amazing to keep a place among the dancers. 

But he's Nightwing. More than that he's an acrobat. A performer. Of course he'll be amazing.

Dick shimmies his hips a little in time with the music on screen. Tim groans a little bit, trying to extract himself from the chair. He's lost. He may as well give up his laptop now until Dick is done with all the videos he wants to see. 

~*~*~

"It's a little on the nose," Tim says bluntly. "Don't you think?"

Two hours and they've managed to go through at least a hundred ideas for Dick. His currently thought is to do something as a superhero. It's obviously not unheard of but-

"Of course not!" Dick exclaims. "I mean, what actual costumed vigilante would dress as one to do a burlesque act? If anything it will alleviate suspicion instead arousing it." He pauses, pointing a gloved finger in Jason's direction. "Don't say it." 

Jason smirks. "Can't stop me from thinking it." He must be bored because he hasn't instigated a major fight or stormed out. He's even been helpful. So much as mapping out different clubs and their connections and yelling cat calls at Dick is helpful. 

"The market is over-saturated with women," Damian declares. "Of course they have to do more extreme stunts to be noticed and booked. But you mentioned a shortage of men." He studies Dick intently. Fortunately, Dick still has his pants on. "Perhaps go with something more classic? Something to play to his strengths." 

It's actually not a bad idea. "A nice suit for one act," Tim agrees. "High society but also naughty." He knows what Dick looks like poured into a well-tailored suit. He spent a lot of his younger years jealous of the figure he cut. Surely that will translate to a suit made to be ripped off his body in strategic fashion. 

"A suit is so boring," Dick says with a pout, but the expression on his face clearly says he knows it's a good idea. 

"You can pretend to be a secret agent in the suit," Tim offers which at least seems to appease him. "Then maybe something showing off your flexibility? Yoga instructor?"

Damian scoffs as he shuts the lid on another trunk of what Tim can only hope are costumes Bruce keeps around for nostalgia purposes. "Please, Drake. He's performing artistically, not creating pornography for bored suburban housewives." 

"Or is he?" Jason counters. "Also how do you know the phrase 'bored suburban housewives' or have an opinion on what kind of porn they watch?"

"I know things," Damian answers with a scowl. "I grew up on a mountain in Nanda Parbat not in a box." 

That bit is kind of debatable but Damian has gained a wide pop culture knowledge so Tim lets it slide. He probably doesn't want to know the truth anyway. "We'll need a suit to cut up and attach some snaps to. For the acrobatics something spandex and you can shimmy out of it?"

"I love shimmying," Dick replies and the roll of his hips shows that he speaks the truth. "Do you think sequins are too much?"

"Never," Jason replies even though he appears to only be half paying attention. "Why don't we just spray you with glue and you can roll around in some sequins?"

Tim sighs. "I'm sure something can be re-purposed before we resort to that." And he swears Dick looks almost disappointed. 

Jason is actually doing a decent job coordinating where their efforts should go so Tim creates a fake identity for Dick. Or, rather, he picks one from the pile they basically have available at all times to tweak to their needs. This part isn't even hard; it's not like they are going to do an in depth background check on dancers. "You still need a stage name. Something with a pun."

"Or having to do with cats," Damian adds. "That seems to be a theme as well." He's actually making a pile of clothing suitable to their needs. Tim is not used to this level of consideration from him. 

"Pansy Sunshine," Jason calls out. "Gotham Gus. Candy Cane O'Toole. Princess Honey Kiss." 

"We're not naming My Little Ponies!" Tim yells but some of those admittedly have potential. He quickly types a few things into a search engine. "How about Indium Mist? Indium because it is malleable and makes up the earth's crust and mist because it sounds mysterious." 

Damian throws a pair of boots onto the pile. "There is hardly anything mysterious about mist. It's simply water vapor."

"I like it," Dick decides. He kneels to retrieve some clothing and Tim can't help but notice how gingerly he does so. How's he going to perform on stage in that condition? But Dick's blue eyes meet his and he grins. "This is more force of habit, I swear. I can bend as much as I ever could."

"A little more if he doesn't care about the state of his connective tissue," Damian adds which he probably intends to be reassuring. 

Tim knows better than to question or even to worry. Dick is...Dick. It's not like telling him to be careful will actually make him that way. "Right. We have two themes worked out. We should probably work on your routine." But that makes him frown. Tim could probably copy an act down to the hip wiggle but as far as creatively coming up with something, he's at a loss. "For the first one it can give the hint you just got back from a party and stripping down for a shower?" Thematically he's got this. He took mandatory drama courses. He's seen plays. And he can ignore Jason's smug, totally amused expression. 

Dick gives him a thumbs up. "No problem, Timmo. I've put together performances before for higher stakes than this." And, it's true, Dick has. Tim has a tendency to forget anyone other than himself is competent or capable. Another negative trait he probably obtained from Bruce. "What time frame are we looking at to wrap this up?"

"Under a week," Tim decides. It's a distraction but ultimately it's going to be a low priority case. He doesn't want them to devote too many man hours to it. Still, it needs to be done eventually. "That's a maximum of twelve performances to give."

"You act like I don't dress in spandex and save the city and sometimes the world on a regular basis," Dick comments, popping what looks suspiciously like an M&M into his mouth. He's creeping toward Tim again and Tim is already mapping out escape strategies before he gets crushed. At least having Dick sit on him is better than having Jason do it, because Jason doesn't remotely care if he suffocates or gets a broken bones. Tim still kind of thinks it's affection but he's beginning to have doubts. "I can more than handle this. And I appreciate you including me instead of sending some kind of robot or something." 

Tim sighs and doesn't point out how difficult it would have been to create a robot to do burlesque. He did have other options, but he knows how Batman feels about having other vigilantes in his town and Tim knows if he'd tried to do it himself it would have just been humiliating on such short notice. He learns quickly. He adapts styles. He's not so great at improvising sexy dance moves. 

Speaking of. Dick has a giant fan extended and is shaking it at Damian who looks totally unimpressed. Jason is still obviously trying to be disinterested in the proceedings but Tim can tell he's calculating how to fold the fan up and hit someone with it. 

Sometimes it's good to be home. 

~*~*~

It turns out that everywhere he auditions wants Indium Mist. Dick looks genuinely dismayed when Tim says he can only pick two, and then actually picks the two troupes and locations for him as the most likely targets. 

Tim isn't surprised when the first night he gets pictures of Dick in his ridiculous outfit, performing for an extremely eager crowd. The next night he gets a selfie Dick took with Jason and the latter seems very unenthusiastic. He still showed up to watch, which is a little surprising. Is he showing support, mocking Dick, or does he simply want in on the action? It's tough to say. 

The third night Tim himself goes to watch and he has to admit that Dick is pretty much amazing. The women Dick performs with are great to watch but Tim makes sure he has a certain level of detachment. Any one of them could deserve a punch to the face and being promptly dragged to the cops if rumors are true. Of course, they could just as likely be innocent victims. But he knows where the acrobat stands, and so he can actually delight in watching his skill. 

Dick has limbered up. There's not a hint of tenderness in his movements and Tim is both relieved he's healing and glad no permanent damage was done. Of course he's going to have to pass some medical exams to be back to work as Nightwing but Dick Grayson even as Indium Mist is a thing of beauty. 

It's the sixth night when Dick discovers bags of drugs stashed in a little parasol. He finds them when he takes it on stage and opens it, twirling it before he thinks and sending the little packets flying through the air. Later, Tim can analyze the video and judge those who were in on the distribution based on who runs after the packets and those who simply looks confused by the proceedings. Either way, it's chaos when it happens. People shriek and dive, either to get a bag or to get away from people trying to get them and avoid being trampled. Dick tries to apprehend the guilty parties and keep the brawl contained while trying to appear he's not doing exactly that and wearing glittery shorts that show most of his ass. The bartender grabs for a shotgun and cocks it. Which, logically, is when Robin busts through a window because obviously none of them know how to use doors anymore. 

The camera footage is absolutely fantastic. Tim fully intends to have a viewing of it with popcorn because the chaos is amazing and Dick's butt really steals the show since it reflects light like a disco ball. The fight isn't even that serious. Ultimately there are only minor injuries, the cops break in and manage to detain some of the guilty parties, and all's well that ends well. 

Dick continues to perform at the other club. He claims he wants to make sure there are no more drug factions hiding out but Tim thinks he just found a new niche hobby and he can't really comment; Dick is damn good at it though they all know he'll have to stop. Eventually someone's going to recognize him as the ward of Bruce Wayne. It won't even be the worst thing Dick has done but they've all signed contracts to only do around ten things a year to make Bruce have a near heart attack and his oldest son is pretty much at thing eighteen already. 

Tim quietly arranges for Dick to join a more private class where it seems the dancers learn from one another. He writes it off on his schedule as physical therapy and he's not even lying. 

Then, because he wants to keep things equal, he sends Jason some garlic bread. Not just any garlic bread. He signs him up for a bread of the month club and lets him know what he chooses to do with his baked goods in the privacy of his own safehouse is his business. 

He'd like to stop there. He'd like his burlesque-induced spirit of good will to end right then. But Damian is there. Always there, always lurking, and though he won't say anything about hurt feelings if he does find out Tim has been giving gifts to everyone but him (and he will find out, Tim has little doubt) he'll also make Tim's life a living hell for it. 

Taking him to any sort of strip show is out of the question. Damian is underage and also it's just incredibly weird as a bonding exercise. 

Though, how they end up at a production of _Hello Dolly!_ is probably just as strange. Alfred drops a hint that Damian might appreciate the costuming. Tim pays for the tickets. Dick strong-arms Damian into going and probably bribes him as well. It's not Tim's favorite, but the costumes are over the top and pretty well done. They exchange maybe twenty words during the course of the show and leave in separate cars. 

Still, Tim is calling it a success as he suits up for a night of patrol. Gotham is back to its usual madness, but the week off has been nice. And educational. Very educational.

**Author's Note:**

> Prompts? Comments? Drop them below or hit me up [right here](http://strikeyourcolors.tumblr.com). I love new ideas and conversations.


End file.
